A Lost Mystic
A LOST MYSTIC by Benjamin Cornelius
I come to Sojourn Grace Collective a lost mystic. My vision for community in church has been broken apart by a group of people that I held so close and who were family for nearly a decade. I'm disillusioned with the system of Christianity. I'm tired of trying to fit into the groups who call themselves followers of this Jesus guy. I've tried to get rid of Jesus, but he is always there in my experience. My reality is haunted by his goodness and mercy.
There seems to be a large population of us out there. Looking, searching, shopping, haha. The ground has cracked and our world views have been scattered leaving us alone in some instances when even the families we were born into don't and maybe can't understand us. Brunch works for a while. Small pockets of friends. Internet communities.
I long for communion. Not the simple bread and cup that seems to be standard christian fare, but the absolute knowing of a group of people connecting. Not around beliefs. Around their lives. Around their service of others. Around their pouring out of their limits in time, and resource. A group of people moving and living and choosing love together. Ones who don't shy away from disagreement but push toward understanding. A group whose first reaction is a move toward forgiveness and mercy.
This has seemed like an idealistic dream. This has seemed impossible. Yet here I am, the reluctant optimist knocking at the door of another church. Five months in and I'm convinced this is a group willing to at least try. Though it may never be perfect, and I may never be comfortable in Christianity, I am grateful for this place. Even if it's for only a moment I will view this moment of life fondly.